


Etched In My Mind

by wangedars9496



Category: GOT7
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Master Youngjae, Mild Smut, Voice Kink, Whipped Jaebeom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 22:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20628926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wangedars9496/pseuds/wangedars9496
Summary: 'Jaebeom stares into the blinking camera and says nothing. His pretty eyes, however, expresses a lot of things and none of it goes unnoticed.'Everything inspired from GOT7's Bibouroku (備忘録).





	Etched In My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I just wrote this to get it out of my system.

~

Subsequently, his dreams are worn with broken images of lovers from a previous life, burn and gore, dark pasts at home and abroad, bullets and cries never conceding, it clutches onto his heart until he wakes with a start and doesn't know how to settle back down.

Lim Jaebeom is not one easily disturbed by nightmares, but when he has one, it unroots him, sends him into a the highest of high, dizzy frenzy, for he wakes up and finds himself alone in a spacious attic that looks barely lived in, and he isn't really sure that he did wake up.

This time, he dreams of Youngjae. Of course, it’s Youngjae. Just a glimpse of the younger's face, and a single shot is all it takes - in the dream he watches helplessly even as he fires back on autopilot, while Youngjae widens his eyes a little, as if surprised, then crumbles to the floor. No taunts, no last minute confessions, no words, the anti-climax of it all had an air of finality so real that it locked onto his throat, and made him choke.

He wakes up with a jolt.

The nightlight is on, giving a creepy glow to the spacious attic. For a moment Jaebeom lies there, heart pounding, head spinning, as the awareness of his constant fears hits him again, the fact that he cared again, despite all the efforts to ignore and move on, and it will unavoidably bring him pain. Like the time he claimed and announced his happiness to the world and got caught just hours after, and the time he thought it could not have been any worse and then a truck slammed into his car. Simple glimpse of Lim Jaebeom's life story.

He just stays awake for what feels like hours? days? wishing for the dawn of the morning light, but it doesn't come. Every muscle and bone is his body is restless, the ghost of an image behind his closed eyes, the bed feels ungrounded, the loft too empty to be safe. He sits up, slowly, and runs a hand through his hair. Adrenaline fails to settle down in his veins, distinct heartbeat pulsating in his ears, his hands sting and even the sense of touch is dulled, nothing feels real anymore, the dim light is too quiet, too overwhelming, too silent.

Jaebeom makes his way to the bathroom and turned on the switch. His pupils narrow in the sudden invasion of light, but the man in the mirror barely flinches. He slowly turns on the tap, though he doesn't do anything about it, just let the water flow from the faucet to break the deafening silence. Lowering his head and trying to breathe deeply, Jaebeom’s gaze drop to the toiletries. A sharp razorblade stuck out of his belongings, the sole thing he used here aside from his toothbrush.

He hesitates.

Fingers ghosting over the sharp edge of the razorblade, he toys it absent-mindedly, thinking about the phantom pain in his chest, and how physical pain would overcome that, if only a little. He lifts the blade, sees his own reflection in it, and shuts his eyes.

"Stop, hyung," Youngjae's soft voice suddenly appears in his ear, startling him. Jaebeom stills. He barely removes his earpieces nowadays in case of an emergency, but communication is often cut when they are not working together.

"Let it go, please" Youngjae says softly, almost as a whisper. "There are other ways to feel."

Jaebeom hesitates, again.

"Let it go, love.."

It’s not an order, not reprimanding, or a plea, but delivered in the calm, level voice that he is so familiar to, that which grounds him in the testiest of circumstances.

Jaebeom releases the razorblade, and notices that his fingers have gone white because of the stiffness. His mouth dry and says nothing.

"I’ll help you," Youngjae tells him in his ear. A simple proclamation, not an inquiry or a demand, but a calm, confident and mildly commanding tone that somehow just works. Jaebeom looks up and searches the bathroom instinctively for a camera.

"There are no cameras here, love" Youngjae says. "Do you want me to help you? I promise to make you feel good.. "There is one next to your bedside table, which is how I can see you now, but only your back, since you left your bathroom door open. For now, come back to the living room.."

Jaebeom immediately complies. They never discussed it before, but he calms visibly when he is given an order, without too much painful thinking and considering on his part. When he is too wound up and aching to care, this is the only way to relax him, and he has no doubt that the sudden thoughts of Youngjae can help him, along with a million other tiny details that never makes into a conversation, but instead is kept together with mutual trust.

Jaebeom stands in the middle of the room, barefooted, waiting. The breathing sound he hears from Youngjae is even, and it grounds him further. He glances around.

"There is a camera on the opposite wall to the bed," Youngjae says quietly. "Move towards the bed, if you will. I can see you from here."

The older does what he is told, and stands next to the bed, his face towards the direction of the camera. A superficial glance is all he needs to figure out where the camera actually is, and his eyes lock onto it. There is a red light blinking underneath it, which he's sure is deliberate, for his benefit.

"If at any point you want to, you can stop" Youngjae says, in a low voice. "I only want to help you"

Jaebeom has a pretty good idea of what is going to happen now, and some parts of his body tenses in anticipation. He looks into the camera pleadingly, and lets a tiny, almost invisible smile creep over his lips as he gives a curt nod.

"Good," Youngjae replies, equally soft. "Now, take off your shirt, if you will."

Jaebeom does as he is told, slowly and carefully, though not quite in a seducing manner, all the while never removing eyes from the camera.

"You are too tense," Youngjae tells him. "Softly roll out your shoulders back. Take a deep long breath."

Jaebeom starts to inhale but is cut short.

"Close your eyes, love" Youngjae says, quieter than before. "It's all right. I've got you."

Jaebeom closes his eyes slowly, fighting back a ridiculous swell of unwanted emotions in his chest, threatening to burst free. He inhales and exhales. Inhales, exhales.

"Good," Youngjae says. There is a slight pause. "You have probably been told this before, but if not recently by anyone else, then I would like to remind you, you are beautiful, Jaebeom."

The older snapped his eyes open abruptly, fleetingly stunned. The breathing in his ear doesn't even hitch.

"You are," Youngjae says with confidence and finality. "Your beautiful body is soft and vulnerable and fatal at the same time." Another pause. "You should realize and embrace the strength and beauty you hold, and the love from the people around you, even away from the cruel reality of life."

Jaebeom stares into the blinking camera and says nothing. His pretty eyes, however, expresses a lot of things and none of it goes unnoticed.

Another pause, longer now, though the consistent breathing pattern reassures him, and drags him to the ground.

Finally Youngjae speaks again. "Take off your underwear for me, love," softly, with an indication of request, but strong enough to be taken as a command.

Jaebeom’s heart leaps to his throat, among other body parts that also leaps, and he pulls down his briefs in one determined, slow, and fluid motion.

The heavy breathing in his ear finally hitches, just a little bit. He smiles, just a little bit, too.

"Lie down on the bed," Youngjae tells him, the voice betraying nothing. "Find a comfortable position."

He complies.

"Touch yourself for me," Youngjae tells him, sliding over easily the non-existent pause between yourself and for me. "Make yourself feel good, for me."

Jaebeom looks up to the ceiling, aware that if he continues to look at the camera his neck would be sore at the end of it. He places a hand on his chest, and cautiously trails down,

"Stop," Youngjae says, just before he closes his hand over the part that matters. "I said touch, not move. Just trail your fingers over your cock for now, love."

The spoken body part jumps at the command, and Jaebeom vaguely notes that it is the first time he has heard Youngjae use a word as obscene and blunt as this. He does as he's told almost automatically, ignoring the maddening palpitation in his chest.

"Good," Youngjae breathes in his small ear, warmly, intimate, and he almost fantasizes the warmth that radiates from it. "Just lightly, for now. And the underside, that's where you would the be most sensitive."

Jaebeom complies, eyes shutting and breath hitching in the information that Youngjae has an excellent view of his body on display. He touches his now fully erect cock, slowly and relaxed as requested, only with his finger, and feels the tension oozing out of his body as he unconsciously keeps his pace along with the breathing in his ear.

"This is how I would do it, love," Youngjae murmurs, and Jaebeom opens his eyes again. "I would admire every part of you, appreciate you, taste you, slowly and deliberately, as if there is all the time in the world."

Jaebeom sucks in a short, faltering of a breath and his hands shiver a little bit, as if on edge. He sits up in a little bit, so that he can see the camera once again, and stares back into the red light that blinks continuously.

"It's just me, hyung. Your favorite person.." Youngjae tells him, as if seeing his attention. "Let everything else go, for me, just for now, please. I've got you."

Jaebeom lowers his teary eyes again, his dark lashes casting a shadow under his eyes. He still says nothing.

"Now stroke yourself for me. Slowly, focus on the movement of your shivering fingers, the touch of your warm palm. There’s no hurry." Youngjae says in an almost hypnotic voice, "There is no one to please other than yourself, just yourself"

Jaebeom complies, though he steals an occasional glimpse at the camera through his hooded eyes.

"Take it slow, love. Place your other hand on your balls, give them little squeeze. Good, love, very good"

He’s now painfully hard, and the voice in his ear is soft and slow, full of seducing dark promises, yet a sensual torture. He really forces himself to slow down, though his breathing uncontrollably intensifies, and he stares at the camera pleadingly with his teary eyes.

"Spread yourself for me hyung, wider"

He seems to float on Youngjae’s voice, though it’s also the voice that holds him down onto the ground, and he follows the commands without hesitation.

"You are wet," Youngjae says, and it's almost a kitten-like purr. Jaebeom feels a shiver heat up his spine to his nape, and he catches his breath for a moment. "Now spread it over your head, slowly..."

He does.

"Run your pretty finger over your slit," Youngjae tells him, quiet and worshipping. "Gently, slowly. You feel that, love? That is how I would run my tongue over it, hyung. To taste you, before fully taking you in."

Jaebeom inhales sharply, lets out a soft sob, the foolishness in his chest threatening to overtake him and burst. "Please," he softly whines, the very first sound from his throat the whole night.

"I got you," Youngjae repeats, the calm and arousing voice enticing him to unconsciousness. "A long and gentle stroke now, love, all the way to the bottom. That's how I would take you whole."

Jaebeom shuts his eyes close, panting now, his chest and cock throbbing, aching too much. "Please," Jaebeom says again, though his capability to comply with an articulate request is way too obvious.

"Stroke yourself for me, hyung," Youngjae says, voice low with hidden desire. "I'm here. Stroke yourself long and relaxed all the way, then short and fast around the head. This is how I will wrap my pretty mouth around you, drag my tongue over you, take you in and slide over your head, so that you forget everything but this. Please yourself for me, Jaebeom hyung."

He complies, he forgets everything and lets the sound of Youngjae’s voice be the only thing that attach him to this reality, nothing else matters, only the voice of his <strike>lover</strike> master, and the intense pleasure firing down his spine. “Youngjae.." he chokes out the younger's name, as if he's drowning.

"I'm here, hyung, for you" the only connection to the world he has left answers suitably, sharply, in the voice that never fails him. "Harder now. Faster. I would want to feel all of you, wholly and without hesitations. Let it go, hyung. I got you."

Breathing and sanity broken by his dark desires, Jaebeom shoots one last glance at the camera, full of trust and meaning and promises and unspoken truth, and spirals into a craziness that leads to white, hot insensibility.

Jaebeom returns from the small and calm corner of his mind that is free from all the negative things in this world, superficially in hours and minutes. There’s a sticky mess on his stomach, and as he shifts to wipe it away, he feels satisfied in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. The ridiculous ache in his chest has changed into something else, not quite pain, but a sense of pleasure and relief so intense that it almost hurts, too.

"Master," He tries, though the voice comes out rough. "Are you still there?"

"Always, love… always"

Jaebeom thinks he can hear a soft smile on the other end of the line, and he breathes. The impacts make his physique floppier and more relaxed than ever, and suddenly his throat cannot spit words again.

"Do you like to sleep now?" Youngjae asks, softly.

Jaebeom thinks about it, considering it. His eyes glimmer to the camera; the red light have stopped blinking, though he is sure that his lover is continuing to watch him, at least for a while more. "What are you going to do, Master?"

The sound of something ruffling in his ear. "I have some business of my own to tend to," Youngjae says, in surprising honest.

Jaebeom smiles. "Do you want me to come over and take care of you?"

A quick pause, and then a small chuckle. "No one's keeping score, hyung," Youngjae tells him softly. "Next time."

Jaebeom feels he should be saddened though his heart flew abruptly at the promise of next time. He looks at the camera once again, pleadingly, all the while demanding and giving answers that he knows only the younger will understand.

"Yes," Youngjae says, in the same comforting and calm tone that keeps him to the ground day and night. "Sleep now, hyung. I have you, I got you"

Jaebeom closes his eyes as he was told, smiling a little. The sound of Youngjae’s soft even breathing is still in his ear, and for the first time in a long while, he’s so sure that his nightmares won't make a return.

~

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. let me know what yall think!


End file.
